LOS ANGELES, California - PETA announced a new partnership with actress Pamela Anderson to be the spokesperson for their 'Scorpions Suffering for Space' initiative. "Without regard to the effects on desert dwelling creatures, NASA and now the private space industry are increasingly abusing the deserts as their private testing grounds. Today's failed Genesis probe recovery is but one example. How many scorpions were crushed to death, incinerated by impact pressures, by that probe?" demanded Felix Partinetter, of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. He continued, "Ms. Anderson has kindly lent her face and voice to our campaign to rid the deserts of this latest man-made scourge."

"You look at their little reptilian faces and their spiky little tails and you just wanna hug 'em." -- Pamela Anderson, PETA Spokesperson

"It's so sad," explained Anderson, "You look at their little reptilian faces and their spiky little tails and you just wanna hug 'em." Far from reptilian, the scorpion is a member of the arachnid family. The poison released by the spike in the tail of the adult scorpion can stun a man, and even kill a small child. "When PETA showed me the photos of their charred little bodies, I just couldn't say no to helping them," she said, tearfully.

While not singling out the scorpion specifically, NASA spokesman Arly Moinahan said that the organization "takes very seriously our responsibility toward our environment. Many of the missions we undertake are to help us better understand and care for our precious planet and the animals that inhabit it. The mission PETA is now deriding, in fact, may yet provide us with clues that slow down global warming and stave off the extinction of species."

Kentucky Fried Chicken, itself a target of a PETA campaign also championed by Anderson, has stated publicly that PETA is "a bunch of whacko nutjobs that need to get a life", according to their web site.
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