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Dover Math Teachers Required to Offer 'Alternative Value' for Pi
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DOVER, Pennsylvania - The Dover school board has raised eyebrows and ire across Pennsylvania and the country after requiring math teachers to offer 3 as an acceptable value of Pi. Pi is the name given to the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter, commonly accepted to be 3.141592, though the actual number is believed to go on endlessly, without repeating. "That's all well and good," said Maureen Callister, Dover school board member, "But what about God? Doesn't he have a say?" Callister cited the Bible, First Kings chapter 7, verse 23, where it says, "He [King Solomon] proceeded to make the molten sea ten cubits from its brim to its other brim, [...] and it took a line of thirty cubits to circle all around it." "If 3 is a good enough 'pi' for the Almighty, then it ought to be good enough for us," stated Callister.

"Listen, I go to church on Sundays, I tithe, I don't need this."
-- Timothy Ernesto, Math Teacher
"Listen, I go to church on Sundays, I tithe, I don't need this," said Timothy Ernesto, a 10th grade math teacher in the district, "I need to get these kids ready for the rest of their lives, the SAT's, the ACT, the whole alphabet soup of testing they'll face before college. On top of all that, I have to teach an 'alternate reality' flavor of mathematics? I'm going to need my summer off!"

Dover, having come under fire for its recent decision to teach 'intelligent design' as an alternative to evolution, is raising more than just the ire of its math teachers. "They've gotten the passage all wrong," said Mordecai Price, pastor of Dover's First Angelic Salvation Church of Redemption, "It isn't meant to be interpreted as exactly 10 cubits or exactly 30 cubits. When did you ever read about 3.14 cubits? If we simply assume that the diameter was 9.65 cubits and the circumference was 30.32 cubits, then we get a very reasonable ratio of 3.142. They've simply failed to allow the correct understanding to shine through."

"We firmly believe that God already explained himself adequately, and he doesn't need us to second-guess him," defended Callister, "Besides, who ever really uses this stuff after school, anyway?"
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